40 days and nights in the desert and all i got was this lousy t shirt
breathe in
why do i work here? why do i bother? i just need to be independently wealthy. i swear that if i had some sort of enormous windfall come to me tomorrow i would quit this place, live in my same apartment, and just sit around. of course i would also get a personal trainer named hans or some sort of outlandish european sounding name and have him give me a personal workout daily. maybe i could start a porn company. that would be awesome. porn is good. that's it! the reason i work here is to finance my porn addiction. see, eventually we all answer our own questions.
breathe out
i have a problem with death. not to say that i don't think that it should exist, because there are many people out there that should and deserve to die, but i just have a problem with it. whenever i have seen anyone die, or someone close to me has died, i really just sort of shrug my shoulders and do the c'est la vie thing. does that make me cold? does that make me uncaring. sure if it's a horrible accident or something i get a little shocked, but i don't think that i really know how to mourn. i have mourned for relationships and lost items, but i don't mourn death itself. i guess i don't know the meaning of the word mourn. its sort of a stupid concept anyway. when you mourn someone it really is just a selfish reaction to death. in my opinion it comes down to the fact that you are saying to yourself that you are sad because that person is not in your life. i think that we should celebrate death as a state of change. when i die i don't want a single tear shed for me. i want a large party sponsored by tanqueray and dancing go go boys for everyone. in whatever comes after life, or dare i say THE afterlife, i don't think that i'll care much about what tears are shed for me. i'll be too busy boozing it up with people like george burns and mae west.
breathe in
now that i've got some steam going with this whole blog thing, let me tell you how this works. breathe in stuff is more personal me stuff, like what psycho did today. breathe out stuff will be just generic rants and thoughts. ventilate will always be fiction. nebulize are the musical inspirations floating around. i figured i could explain it once and then for all the people that ask after this i will call them stupid and feel hurt because they obviously didn't read the all important 40 days and nights post. hehe. one of my friends told me to go to lj with this. i tried lj and i just didn't get it. blogger is geekier anyway.
speaking of geek. www.neurocam.com
if you dare.
nebulize
lauren christy - boomerang bang
1 comment:
I just said it 'cause it would be convenient for me, as I wouldn't have to go two websites. I don't know if you wrote that in this post. I think the difference between lj and blog is the web address. (and can you lock your posts so only those you choose can see? Then they have to be memebers. If you tried to read my lj you'd find only the shell. Nothing much of substance on the outside.
and on lj you can title your comments... mine would be... "saving up your fiction for a rainy day, 'cause when I want a story I can't stand to wait"
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death... yes, I felt almost c'est le vie when I told you.
it has been a long time... I didn't think you parted well.
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the death thing. Of course mourning is selfish. It can also be a tearful celebration of a life.
I think parties should be had as well.
mourning... yeah, I want him around. For me. But he would like it too. He had values I want strengthened in me, that would be by his presence. I had a good dream that he was around. I had a good time when he was around. He did too.
And I liked his mother a lot, and seeing her is hard. Though I like to.
We should have a party - he wanted that too, he told me. I promised.
and if it's a party you want, it's a party you'll get too. provided you keep in touch enough that I know.
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posting the link here isn't quite the same as emailing it... : }
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overriding theme?
I sound selfish.
-S
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