i'll be the only one you can't betray

breathe in

it is awfully glorious to be a bastard. i take pride in the fact that i can harbor the cruellest of thoughts and not give a shit about any of you. i can and i will betray you. its inevitable. but i am up front about it, and i don't hide it in any way. so you are the only one to blame if i get the better of you. you are the only one to blame when the day comes that i am the only one there to talk you down from that ledge. while you fall know that it was always your fault, and i never said that i would save you.

know that this is not said as a warning. i don't care about any sort of warning. i am merely stating the facts.

i realise that most of you can't deal with facts. most of you wrap yourselves up in the lie that is reality and create illusions that you are some sort of saint, some sort of glorious wonder whom the world should worship as holy. i've seen martyrs, i've seen saints. they're all dead so they really aren't relevant anymore. and even alive no one really noticed them anyway.

if you want to be truly holy you have to die. that's how jesus did it.

i don't say these things to deliberately offend. i say these things because they are simple truths, things which i have come to understand through barbed wire and broken glass and the words that he left me with.

you call me jaded, i say enlightened. you call me bitter, i say empowered. you say bastard, i agree.

breathe out

they are going to repeal don't ask don't tell and lift the ban on gays in the military. well there goes the forbidden mystery to one of the biggest gay fetishes of all time. with gays being accepted, no more will it be so risque to fuck that nice little so called marine you met at the bar two nights ago. no longer will the boy with the dog tags be admired for his bravery while dancing in a jock strap on top of a speaker. alas, its the end of an era.

the only thing that won't change are the dykes. everyone always knew that all the girl in the military chow box. its a fact. no mystery at all there.

nebulize

tori - parasol