Wednesday, August 30, 2006

crawling through tight windowells

breathe in

i have never quite been good at this. i had a friend recently who has expressed the same feelings that i feel right now, and i made fun of him. it is still sorta strange.

but i can tell you now, there is such a thing as a relationship without sex.

breathe out

i get good gut feelings about things. if law enforcement would have listened to me 10 years ago this whole jon-benet thing would have been solved. look to an old man who crashed their party a few nights before. look to fingerprints on the 2nd floor. ask this creepy karr guy where he got all his super top secret info from. oh and someone has a guilty conscience, look for an unsolved murder in montana and then karr will go to jail.

maybe i should start putting all my predictions on here. that would be cool

Sunday, August 27, 2006

justifiction of self

breathe in

no one told me that life would be so much like high school.

nebulize

i'm not okay - my chemical romance

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

randomness and idiocy


i only left scars on her bad side

breathe in

i'm bored. i feel like i have wasted the past 2 days. sure i've had fun. i've had a few dramatic and confusing things that have come sliding silently through me. other than that it's all been rather blase`. maybe that's why i haven't really written anything in the past week, becuase there hasn't been anything inspirational, everythings just been plain rational, and thats not fun.

and now i'm just writing this as an excuse to not do laundry.

breathe out

mark z. is coming out with a new book. i called the tattered cover and they should have copies on the release date. i haven't contacted barnes and noble yet. the book is called only revoloutions, with a website of the same name. looks just as fucked up fabulous as house of leaves so it will most likely be my obsession for the next six months after i get it.

nebulize

revoloutions of ruin - only revoloutions

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

rememberance

ventilate


First they had bound his hands with twine. It was rough and it was only a few hours before his wrists had begun to bleed from his struggles. The cloth they had put in his mouth had begun as white, but now was a mixed brown and yellow, the color of sweat and blood. He had lain prone in the damp concrete cell for what had seemed like an eternity, their voices echoing in the dark hallways as they discussed what to do with him, and where to put him when they were done. In his mind he catalogued their voices, memorizing each intonation, each slight variation in dialect and pitch. One of them lisped, each s and t melding, words sounding more choked on then spoken. He imagined a pock marked flunky, rags barely covering his shoulders, open sores on his arms and legs leaving a trail of mucus as he walked. There was a woman with them as well. She spoke eloquently occasionally, but mostly sounded as if she tried too hard. Her face was soft in his mind, hiding years of beatings just as the stolen Paige uniform covered the marks of the stun sticks which had burned her thighs. She had been the one to suggest they just let him go.

Footsteps rang out in the empty hall outside his cell. There was a whirr of machinery, the sound of a keypad being depressed, and then the door was open. A musty yellow light poured in obscuring the bulky shadow that loomed above him. He heard others in the hallway, waiting outside the door, and a voice in the distance. “Grab him. Make sure you don’t put your hands near his face.” It was the woman.

Firm hands picked him up. From all around there was the smell of sandalwood, of dragons breath, the type of smells that the groundlings used to cover up the muck of the sewage they were forced to bathe in. He was lifted, almost gently, over this giants shoulder his gut embraced by a well muscled arm. Now he could see there were six of them, three men and three women including the one that now held him. He would have had to stretch to see their faces, and that was still too painful due to the wound on his neck. To his right the woman addressed him.

“If you do not fight you may live to see another sunrise. I swear that on my father.”

The woman turned and briskly walked down the corridor, followed by the others, the giant bringing up the rear. Other cells lined the hallway, their doors a thick dull metal with a single opening near the bottom for food and other pleasantries. They passed one where he heard, between sobs, a child singing a song that he had heard only months ago when they had traveled through the Cormanian highlands. It was a nomad song called Mary Madonna. As they passed one of the procession in front of him banged on the door, the voice falling silent. That is the man with the lisp, he thought to himself. That is the man that said he wanted to see my insides.

They walked for quite a while, the corridors of the dark prison twisting and turning in on themselves. They are trying to confuse me, he thinks, trying to make sure I don’t know where I am when we get to wherever they are taking me. After a time he heard the sound of machinery in the distance, shouts behind that. They were close to a factory.

“Put him in there,” the woman barked.

The giant turned to an open doorway and casually threw him to the ground. When he landed he heard a crack from his hip, but he bit his tongue to ignore the pain. Before he had his bearings he heard the metallic slam of the door and footsteps in the corridor.

“Leave me for a moment, I want to address him alone.” More footsteps fading, the smell of a cigarette burning. “Are you hurt? He set you down pretty hard.” Her voice was different now, softer.

“I’m okay. Nothing the medicrats couldn’t fix in a few moments.” He rubbed his hip, and then realized his head was bleeding again, the wound from his capture reopened by the impact.

“Where is he Tethriel?” The voice not only sounded softer to him, it sounded familiar.

“Who are you?” Beads of sweat began to trickle down his brow. They had talked before they came to the city, made a promise that if they were captured that they were on their own. The image of Jason running as the mob carried him away, beaten and bruised, was still etched into his skull. Suddenly he was filled with contempt, the thought of that elegant bastard running through the dark alleys never to see him again sending him reeling.

“I’m a friend, Teth. I always have been. I’m not surprised you don’t recognize my voice, it has been a long time. What is it now, two, three worldsets? You were my favorite the last time, you know that right?” He could hear her smiling.

One beat. Images flashed behind his eyes, scenes of faces and people and places, ones he knew he hadn’t seen but yet were so familiar. He saw the rise and fall of a great city, a thousand years flash through in but an instant. He saw the knife.

“Does that help?” There’s the sound of a keypad, and the familiar whirr of gears.

Vyvyan smiles, the shotgun at her side touching her shins. And in one moment Tethriel remembers.

“It’s good to see you again, Vyv.” There is the sound of the twine on his wrists and legs ripping, the smell of oranges as the wounds on the back of his neck and his bruised body heal themselves. “What took you so long?”

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

three days

ventilate

The domes of the Equivicol shone brightly against the noonday light, a glimmering beacon of stability snuggled into the horizon between brothels and murder tents. From somewhere below were the chants of the Paige Guard as they ran their patrols, the sound of stun sticks and children echoing through the alleyways up to his open window.
It had been three days since he had arrived in West Adria. Three days since he had last seen Tethriel carried off by the Seeker mobs. He still wondered if even now the poor boy sat wasting in one of their cells, awaiting whatever tortures the masses have clung to in the face of the Magnates subjugation. The boy had been an asset, that was never in doubt. But he was a casualty that had been foreseen and almost welcomed as the last days had come ever closer. Better to perish now than to witness the horrors of the remaking of the world.
The small room was equipped only with the necessities, both governmental and personal. A bed, a table, one chair, and of course the prerequisite camera and vid feed. A reporter droned in the background, singing the glories of the Magnate and his recent administrative visit to the Cormanian Boundary to deal with the Nomad issue. The roar of the supplicant crowd almost completely drowned out the low howl of the incoming shells in the background. Somewhere overhead an airship announced another victory in Irktuska, the quiet calamity of the Magnate’s voice followed, thanking his constituents for the opportunity to serve them in this glorious cause.
He went back to the window and sat at the table, gazing at the dome, and the sea beyond. The night before he had ordered a bottle of spirits and had drank most of it. He poured the last draught in his glass and swallowed it in one drink. He wondered what she would think if she was here, if she could share in his liquid banquet of discontent. She would probably smile and finger the trigger of her gun, thinking fondly of the days gone by when they drank to celebrate, not to grieve. He felt the hilt of the knife to his side, concealed by a worn cotton cloth that hung from his waist. It wouldn’t surprise him if she were there somewhere, walking the alleys below, stalking him, waiting for him.
Loudly, the vid screen beeped, an incoming message already displaying on the silver-blue screen.
WE HAVE THE BOOK. IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME NOW. PROCEED AS INSTRUCTED. MORE TO FOLLOW.
Smiling, he set down the glass. At least Ariel was still alive, still wandering the wastes to the west. It had been two years since he had seen her face, these messages his only correspondence. No hello, no how’s it going, always the plan. She did tell in detail of her detainment in the northern tower about 4 months ago, told of Michael’s warning to him. That was the longest, still only about the length of a paragraph. Jonas was with her though, the witless fool. He wonders if Jonas still knows nothing of the plan, nothing of their true purpose. The knife whistled at his side, as if tuning in to his thoughts.
The bells of the Equivicol marked midday, the hollow sound bouncing off the arcology walls into his open window. Beyond the transparent wall another airship, one of the military cruisers, opened fire into the open sea causing a ripple of fire and smoke. From below the water a black shape emerged and the airship fired again, this time causing an explosion that eclipsed the black shape entirely, and then it was gone. The airship made an exaggerated figure eight and was joined by another before both flying off into the western sky.
Another victory for the Commonwealth. Another step on the road to the end.
He hadn’t packed that much, the sum of his belongings arranged neatly on the unused bed. A change of clothes, an automatic pistol, a black box to protect the ammunition, and a satchel overflowing with yellowing parchment. He walked to them now and gathered them up in the rust colored satchel that hung from his shoulder to his waist. In the corner of the room a rat smiled up at him before making its way under the pale green carpet to its fabulous subterranean home. There were still some creatures that thrived in this world, and that thought lingered in him as he opened the door to the fermented hallway that had welcomed him three days before. Three days from now the hallway would more than likely not be there anymore, and that thought, more than anything else, was the one that made him smile.

bliss of another kind

breathe in

welcome back. almost three months since my last post. three months since things have been turned slightly around. things always come in threes.

breathe out

the world changes when you go away. i wasn't here. some pitiful creature that filled my shoes was here, singing the praises of domesticated fornication and false hope. there is a sinister nature present in the modern day relationship. it actually made me go back and want to be rose walker again. i wish i had multicolred hair and a calvin klein model in my recent past. i wish i was on a plane to the english moors in search of my prone mother and my even more crippled sister.

for a while i was happy. for a while there was a light in the world that shone brighter than my own vague fae spirit. but i wasn't ready for the world behind the mirror, the razorblades and the hooks that i had long ago pulled out of my calloused heels.

this time i'll take it slow. this time i'll dream first, then act later.

breathe in

i have written some pretty cool stuff in the past couple days. needs some editing. stay tuned.

oh. by the way.....


nebulize

lamb - wonder