raising arizona

breathe in

i've thought a lot about karma in the past few days, and karma has nothing but a fucking twisted sense of humor.

i became so stressed out i lost my voice. it wasn't alcohol or cigarettes or any other body damaging vices; those i kept in check. just at one point, i couldn't speak. maybe it was psychosomatic, and it was my higher self knowing that the foul thoughts that were circling my head should never be spoken like the infinite names of cthulu. or conversely, maybe i knew i had said enough, damning most with half sermons even hypocrites like ted haggard would be proud of.

(for example, at one point over the past week i announced that if someone had come hundreds of miles to embarrass themselves and everyone around them then they should all go to their hotel rooms now satisfied with a big fat mission accomplished, and if they needed any other motivation my foot in their ass was a handy option.)

now, alone for the first time discounting sleep in 2 weeks, i get electronic pleas for forgiveness. thanks for your hospitality....sorry you can't go to that bar for a few weeks... i meant i love you like a brother... i'm sure he'll speak to you in a couple weeks... just tell them i did it... i'll make it up to you....

am i bitter and selfish if i don't forgive? am i wrong to want to punish those that have wronged?

i know it sounds like gay drama, but i'm honestly not prone to that in real life, i just play a disgruntled fag on tv. i shouldn't care about my reputation, my social standing, but i do. and when i'm associated with a herd of drunk guys who don't realize that denver really is a mile high and unless you live here you should really watch your intake, or have my connections look at me sideways because i associate with the type that can't walk around the bar without exaggerating their inebriation, is that reason enough to condemn and chastise because it inconvenienced me?

if you didn't live your life right the first time, don't make me relive it all in one weekend as a learning experience.

nebulize

big wheel - tori

splinters and gopher wood

breathe in

didn't drink enough tonight to counteract 16 hours of sleep. so i've been working on the dhp (more to come) and catching up on my late night craziness. oh... and this

nebulize

three

gravel - ani difranco
you and i both - jason mraz
precious illusions - alanis morissette
your cloud - tori amos
burnt like you - skin
that day - poe
i don't love you - my chemical romance
the reflecting god - marilyn manson
straight - veruca salt
heaven sent - esthero
jenny i read - concrete blonde
jenny was a friend of mine - the killers
pardon me - incubus
shut your mouth - garbage
everlong - foo fighters
sorta fairytale (demo) - tori amos

neverstill

famous last words - my chemical romance
long way to happy - pink
endless dream - conjure one
zero point - tori amos
without you i'm nothing - placebo
cannonball - damien rice
song for holly - esthero
paris - bt
mechanical animals - marilyn manson
animal - pearl jam
deadwood - garbage
hyperballad - bjork
disenchanted - my chemical romance

true love

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man hands and adams apples

breathe in

on another site, someone whom i respect made an argument that essentially started out with the statement 'this is why i love ann coulter'. actually the name of the post is why i love gay bashers and his point was how many times their hatred backfires and inspires people to rethink their own prejudices.

of course, since i am darth emo, i had to see the dark side.

here is my rant of a response: (written in one fluid stream in about 6 minutes)

the grim reality of ann coulter is that her remarks weren't entirely accidental. with the race for the presidency already in full swing what better way to make the sheeple look away from the drunken puppetmastery that has killed so many of their brave and obedient sons and daughters than to pick at the scabs of their hemorraged insecurties.

i know i sound like the looming shadow of darth emo, but for everyone who stands up and realizes the inhumanity of the neocon crusade against a segment of society who are simply asking everyone to destigmatize an alternate expression of love there are those bizarro world born inbreds who think, 'first that black guy that bounces a ball for a living and now the hot chick with the adams apple... wooeeee roscoe thats a call for our fag bashin sticks, we can cover up that tape of your sister and the donkey with somethin' else.'

it is reverse psychology used in the most insidious way. by making hate a public slander that is universally reacted to with disgust and disgrace, especially from someone, such as tim hardaway, that is supposed to be a role model, the reactionary zealots see that as a limitation to their freedoms and essentially becomes the proverbial feather tickling the toe of the sleeping giant.

ignorance in any form is viral, and multiplies faster than you can say ozark teen pregnancy. and like nuclear fission research in third world countries, ignorance inevitably acts as the calvary generals saber, a seemingly bright beacon that only leads to despair.

we can, like you, hope that this time more people wake up and smell the rotting white sheets they've warn to protect their private prejudices (or for some their private shame) they arise from the long sleep of supposed moral socialism and defend their ideals from this corporate sponsored second coming of blind imperialism.

i've said before on my own blog that i'm bitter, so did you expect any less?




here is the original post. eatsumtoast

if you don't have a membership to the site, or you are a cootie filled girl that can't register, or i fucked up on the link let me know.

breath out

thats it, resume your various levels of self abuse.

nebulize

jonatha brooke - glass half empty

hijacking the sun

breathe in

i've been thinking about lucifer lately. i've cruised the sites of philosophical and theosophical luciferians, the mindless opposition of the religious right, and the historical essays by entymoligical scholars. i've seen a progression from proper noun, to adjective, to concept, back to proper noun as history dictates the black and white of religion and secular science. the word itself, in essence, is light. its reflected planetary positions, the lamp of the suns, the origin of the stars, and a fallen shadow that plots agains all morality. lucifer is a word of power, no doubt, as ancient as yhwh or baal, zeus or osiris. it has been transfigured into a literary figure, from biblical interpretations to milton, and most recently a comic book. say lucifer and you trigger a reaction, an ancestral memory or a modern moral crusade. objectively, it can be said that on certain levels, we all strive toward a luciferian existence, and maybe thats why they hate him so much.

breath out

i want to be divine light, regardless of who i piss off.

nebulize

my chemical romance - i don't love you