red stars and other portents

breathe in

its one of those days. boring sorta. i look back and i can't believe the stuff that i write when i am blitzed. i think i had a point though. i always have a point.

breathe out

some people deny that there are any faults in their personalities. i myself have plenty of faults which i love to expose on a regular basis.

the model of perfection exists in some people's minds as a mirror image of an idealized self.

those people are full of shit.

if you cannot forgive someone's faults, then you are having trouble dealing with your own. i accept my faults and the faults of others. that's why i get to make fun of them, because i understand them.

see, i am a jackass with a purpose.

ventilate (FICTION)

i write this now in an effort to understand, and hopefully pass on understanding to you once i am gone. the following words may not be the absolute truth, but its the truth how i saw it. how it came to me.

the dream began with a light that grew steadily brighter. it almost blinded me and then the vision began.

i saw three people, two men and a woman. one man had a knife and was cutting his own forearm while the woman let the blood drip into her mouth. the third was turned away, his hands covering his face all the while chanting some strange mantra.

then it gets weird.

the scene changes, but the same three are still there. i see one with a sword of light standing in front of the three who are now poised to fight. the one still has the same knife, and for some reason it looks like its burning. the girl has a shotgun, only it looks too small, not quite sawed off just small. and the other man has a book that he reads loudly. the words aren't audible to me really, but i can tell they are loud. the man with the sword of light thrashes in front of them in intense pain.

again it changes. there is a beautiful garden. i walk through it and this time i can hear the birds, i can hear the plants as i move. there is a mumbling in the distance and i head toward it. i push aside a large purple flower, and in a clearing is a man that has his hands and feet bound by of all things an extension cord, and he is naked. he keeps saying over and over: lemon pie coming through. i continue past him. and push aside some more plants.

suddenly i am in a classic dark study, and a man sits in a silk robe smoking a pipe. he smiles and motions for me to sit down. then he slits my throat.

these are the things i saw. i know of two that have come to pass. i won't tell you which ones. all i know is that there is a war out there, and i have a part to play. these visions came to me for a reason. and for some reason, i know that i will die when i find out why.

i know that this doesn't make any sense. i know that i shouldn't bring you into this, but someone else has to know. someone else has to be aware that this happened. when you find this put it in a safe place, but make sure others will know. and don't let it fall into the hands of the council. the magnate must not know these things exist. i pray this finds you in good health. i garauntee that it won't bring any with it.

your forever, jonas

nebulize

eight easy steps - alanis morisette